The Map Room

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Night-time in the security office on the ground floor of an old waterside Victorian building, five stories high. In its prime it was a warehouse for a long extinct company once trading with India, Chine and the early American settlements. It is now used as a museum.

 

Best read if possible by two people (better still four)

 

The two main characters

GP  Gordon Pearson 

SGS  Sir Giles Stillington. 

 

And later (briefly)

PDI  Police Detective Inspector 

MGM   Museum General Manager 

 

GP

What was that? Who's there?

 

     -- Observe a long pause --

 

GP

Who is it? Stop mucking about whoever you are. I know there's someone there.

     -- another pause --

GP

Bloody ell mate, where did you spring from?

 

SGS

Sorry to alarm you my good man, i was just passing and I  heard such a strange noise. Sounded like someone snoring.

 

GP

Well; yes well, it's very quiet down here. Maybe I just nodded off for a second or two.

 

SGS

Perhaps so. Perhaps so.

 

GP

Anyway; what ya dooin down ere, it's private. And anyway it's all locked up - I should know, I did all the locking, so how did you get in? That's what I'd like to know.

 

SGS

Ah; well you see, I was in here before you locked up.

 

GP

Do you mean to say I locked you in?

 

SGS

You might say that.

 

GP

But where were you? I checked every room before I locked it. You must have been hiding. Oh yes that's it; hiding was ya? Now then what’s your game; what you after? There’s no money anywhere, and if you ask me there’s nothing worth stealing either.

 

SGS

Now that's where you are wrong Gordon, there are some fine pieces on display, and priceless too, some of them.

 

GP

Ere; how do you know my name; who are you.

 

SGS

Don’t you know me? I have been here for years.

 

GP

Well I’ve never seen you before. What’s your name then?

 

SGS

I am Sir Giles Stillington

 

GP

Well that's as may be, but like I said there’s no point nicking anything from ere. It’s all catalogued so you couldn't sell it. Too well known and the coppers will be on the lookout before you've got out of dockland - oh, now I get it; you've got a boat waiting - think I'd better call for back up.

 

SGS

I promise you Gordon that I have no intention of stealing anything. Why should I when I'm here every day.

 

GP

You a member of staff then? Well, why didn't you say? I’m still surprised I don't know you; mind you, I only work nights so there's a lot of people work here and I don't know half of them. I guess that's how you know my name.

 

SGS

Yes, I’ve seen you many times, but to be honest they don't employ me now; you might say I'm retired.

 

GP

Well it must have been a bit of a shock finding yourself locked in, better see about getting you home You got your Identity card handy so I can book you in and out.

 

SGS

No, I told you, I'm retired. I don't have a card.

 

GP

Oh you've got to have a card. There’s lots of part time researchers, and various people, but they all have a card.

 

SGS

Well I've been here longer than any off them, and I've never . had a card.

 

GP

Are you sure; this is very odd. A bit fishy if you ask me. Ere, if you haven't got a card, tell me who you are working with.

 

SGS

Sorry Gordon, I'm always on my own you see - not many people will have seen me - not many at all.

 

GP

This is putting me in a very funny position; very funny, might have to call for the police. What did you say your name is, I can look you up on the register

 

SGS

Of course. My name is Sir Giles Stillington, emeritus Professor of Ancient History.

 

GP

Good; should be easy; can't be many of them. Just hang on a mo while I find it on the computer.

Damn; where is it now, I know it's there somewhere. Bloody computers. It was much better when they just sent me list on half a dozen sheets of paper. Ere, you any good with these things, maybe you can find it.

 

SGS

Sorry not me. Don't know a damned thing about them.

 

GP

Well I don't know what to do. Can't just let you walk out, don't know what you might have been up to.

 

SGS

Does it look as though I've been up to anything? Do I look like a burglar. And don't forget it was me who woke you up. I could have walked out then.

 

GP

Oh no, cos it was all locked up; you'd still need me to unlock the door.

 

SGS

True; well then, I might have climbed out of a window.

 

GP

No, because that would set off the alarm.

 

SGS

OK Gordon, so what do you suggest.

 

GP

It’s all very well for you. You seem to be enjoying yourself, but if you’re a wrong un, and something goes missing it'll be me that gets the sack.

 

SGS

Yes I do see your point. Quite a dilemma. Don't know what to suggest. I think I'll go back to my studies until you decide what to do.

 

GP

Hang on Gil...Sir Giles. Hang on a minute. You can't just wander off like that. How do I know where you'll be. You can see my point can't you. Anyway, what are you researching?

 

SGS

I'm in the old map room. I'm studying some very early American maps.

 

GP

The old map room? Where's that then. First I've heard of it.

 

SGS You've never seen the old map room? I find that hard to believe.

 

GP

Never even heard of it never mind seen it, and I've worked here for six years.

 

SGS

Seven actually, but never mind that, you really should see it; it's fascinating.

 

GP

Yes that’s right, seven. Ere, how do you know. I think you're avin me on. Come on, is this a set up? I think you’re in with my mates; up a bit of mischief if you ask me.

 

SGS

No I promise you, i know nothing about your work colleagues.

 

GP

OK OK, I'm up for a joke as well as the next man. So let's go and have a look at this map room of yours.

 

SGS

Very well. It's in the basement down the stairs here; there we go, watch out now, these stone steps can be a touch slippy.

 

GP

Yes I know, I have been up and down a few hundred times.

 

SGS

Yes of course, sorry, anyway, just down the corridor from here. I can't understand how you have never seen it before. There look, that door at the end.

 

GP

I don't understand; I haven't seen that door before. It’s been bricked up as long as Iv’e been here. I think I remember that you could see make out where a door used to be.

 

SGS

Well I've seen the plans for this building, and I assure you that that door was there when it was built. Anyway now that you're here you might as well have a look. It's a bit stiff mind, help me to push it open, there’s a good man.

 

A loud creaking scraping noise.

 

SGS

There you are; in you go.

 

GP Well I never! I'm speechless. How can I not have seen all this before. All these large units with dozens of thin map drawers with large flat tops. Some go nearly to the top; how do you get to them then?

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SGS

There are some special steps; over there in the corner.

 

GP

Phew! There must be hundreds of maps in here.

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SGS

Thousands, from all over the world, mostly very old, and some of them are the only ones known to exist. Have a look why don't you.

 

GP

It's like Aladdin’s cave. Just look at this one, and this. I could spend all day here.

 

SGS

I usually do. Don't forget to look at those over there.

 

GP

Oh yes, these are wonderful. They'll be worth a bob or two then?

 

SGS

Priceless many of them, and you are the first person to have seen some of them for hundreds of years. Apart from me of course.

 

GP

Just wait until I see the lads tomorrow; they'll never believe me.

 

SGS

Maybe so, but do you believe me now.

 

GP

Yes I guess so. But listen; Iv’e got a job to do. You might as well take the key. Let yourself out when you've done. Goodnight Sir Giles.

 

SGS

Goodnight Gordon.

 

 

 

As long a pause as you can get away with - before people start leaving the theatre.    One week later

 

MGM

No, we haven’t heard a thing. He just didn’t come in one day. Everything was in order and all his keys were in the desk drawer. All that was missing was him. and we haven’t seen him since.

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PDI

He lives alone we understand.

 

MGM

I think so. Sorry I can’t tell you much about him; him being on nights you know. Didn’t get much chance to get to know him.

 

PDI

Please let us know if anything comes up. He has a niece who is concerned. It was she who came to us.

 

 

Later Giles and Gordon, busy in the Map room, endlessly examining and cataloguing their collection of maps

 

SGS

Glad they’ve gone! Never know when they will strike lucky.

 

GP

Well they have’nt struck lucky for – how long av you been ere did you say?

 

SGS

Well, I don’t think I actually said, but it’s a long time. Feels like hundreds of years sometimes.

 

GP

Garn; yer avin me on again!

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SGS  

Perhaps I am; - just a little. - - now come on Gorden; we can't spend all day chatting. There’s lot's of work to be done.