Phone in my ear

 

There’s a phone in my ear Dr Livingstone-Brown,

and it’s something I really don’t need.

I know it is there when I walk through the town,

though it’s hard to be seen, I’ll concede.

 

I cover it up, Dr Livingstone-Peach

with my hand as I walk down the street

And gayly I talk, with pretend laughing speech,

just in case, one I know, I should meet.

 

Can you hear the phone ringing Dr Livingstone-White,

if you step up this way you will hear it.

It’s no good standing back! Oh please don’t be contrite,

please come closer to me and then clear it

 

Can you see it my dear Dr Livingstone-Green?

A protuberance like that is alarming.

And there’s some who will think that it’s really obscene;

they won’t care that my head it is harming.

 

It’s a catching condition Dr Livingstone-Hue,

Nearly everyone seems to have it caught it.

It’s become epidemic, a bit like the flue;

maybe hypodermic syringes will sort it.

 

Can you help me at all Dr Livingstone-Black?

If it doesn’t go soon I’ll explode.

Well I’ve asked all my friends if they’ll give it a whack,

but it’s stuck like an amorous toad.

 

And  I’ve seen others too Dr Livingstone-Gray,

With their hands on their ears they are trying.

To pull the thing off while they’re taken away,

Making gibberish noises and crying.

 

Now aren't you ashamed Dr Livingstone-Orange?

though for your name I know there’s no rhyme.

It’s your fault that I’m here on the lunatic fringe

There’s no hope any more; no more time.

 

Well perhaps there’s a glimmer Dr Livingstone-God.

As I stand in the dust and the grime.

I am down on my knees, like a broken old sod.

Please, please, try to connect me this time?