DANCING AT THE CROSSROADS

 

                                                                          Chapter Nine

                                                                             Scene One

 

Sunday morning dawned bright and clear; almost the first time it had done so since his arrival. Michael sat up in bed and tried to take stock of his first week. ‘Only a week’ he thought, though it seemed like a month. In fact it was only six days for he had arrived late on the Monday morning. He got out of his bed and started on the morning routine of toilet, wash, and dress, before going down to breakfast. He did miss his morning shower but though the cottage was resplendent with its 'new' bathroom, Molly had opted for that which she had longed for all her young and earlier life; a bath.

        He looked out of the window just as he had done each morning hoping to catch a glimpse of the Cradle, and this time he was rewarded. Only once had he seen it during his morning ablutions when a gap in the low cloud had allowed a brief sighting before it disappeared again. Such was Michael’s preoccupation with the unknown, wondering what the coming weeks and months might bring, that the dull drizzly conditions during the past few days had almost gone by unnoticed. The bright sunny morning was almost a shock to his system, and briefly brought a smile to his face. It did not last long however for thoughts of the day ahead returned, and the purpose in his mind was to get through it. Today was the day he had been dreading almost from the start. Now it was here.

        Sunday. Today he had to go to church where he knew that every last man and woman in the village would be there to stare at him. Some of them, he thought, might even jeer. He felt that he could face that with some kind of defiance, but what he feared the most was his family. They would all be there. His brothers, their wives and children, their children’s children. Would they speak, or would they maintain a sullen silence. He could do nothing except wait and see.

        But another thought was trying to break through telling him that today might be a turning point, urging him to be ready to take advantage of any opportunity that came along. That had always been his mantra in business; that a set-back only remains so if you let it. ‘That’s easy’, the other side of Michael’s brain retorted, when it was only money. But this! This was so much more important than money.

        When Michael joined Molly in the kitchen where the smell of frying bacon usually greeted him, it was different. No breakfast on Sunday until after Mass! Molly had warned him.

      Going to Mass while carrying the weight of his conscience seemed like an omen foretelling of dire things to come. Despite that he greeted his sister warmly, and resigned himself to his fate. Not going was not an option; he simply had to go. He still considered himself to be a catholic even though the circumstances of his life had led him away from the church; just another aspect of the state of guilt which he had lived with him all these years. So this was another bridge to cross; an important one at that for he knew that the only way to find acceptance within his family was simple. He would have to face them. Whether to go to church or not was therefore not a matter of choice.

        “Morning sis.” he said, greeting Molly with a little peck on her cheek. “Nice to see the sun shining.”

        “So it is,” she replied “but don’t be getting in my way. We’ll be off soon and I’ve got things to do.”

        Michael stepped outside to gaze and think while Molly got on with her ‘things to do’. Looking across the green he could just see the top of the church tower rising over the backs of the buildings and houses of Main Street. A short stroll to the end of the cottages brought him to a point where he could see the view behind them, but only at one point did the view enable him to see through a gap in the trees the rising mound of the Cradle. He stood for a while his memories merged with the present. An unresolved battlefield! He turned back to the green, for a moment disconsolate before walking back to the front of Molly’s cottage. It looked like home, but for him home was far away. Not the 'home' he had left behind in Australia, but the one here in Ballymay. Despite everything he knew that not until the people he wanted to love, the people who he needed to love, expressed that very same emotion of him, would this quiet and peaceful village truly be home.

        Back at the cottage he found Molly putting on her hat, the first time he had seen her wearing one. He also noticed evidence of her ‘things to do’, namely the table laid out for breakfast upon their return, and rashers in the pan.

        “Come on sis.” Michael said, an unexpected feeling of excitement overcoming him, “Let’s go the church.”

        It was a pleasant stroll around the bottom end of the green past the beech tree and then beyond the cottages on the far side of the green. Continuing on they rounded the bottom row of terrace houses on Main Street where they turned left up the gentle slope of the village. At this point the road behind them ended changing its identity in the form of a narrow country lane disappearing mysteriously into the countryside.

            Soon they could see the top of the church tower at the other end of the village but as they were in good time there was no need to rush. The slow meander through the village perfectly suited Michael, strangely exhilarated at the prospect of his first real test. Before long they could see a number of people milling around the front of the church, though the church itself, being set back from the road, was not yet in view. Even its tower as they neared the larger houses was no longer visible. No doubt the early worshipors were enjoying the pleasant morning sunshine. 

        Walking on they soon reached a point where they could now see the front of the church, at which point they crossed the road. They could see now that more people had arrived, milling about not wanting to miss the opportunity of an extra chat with fellow parishioners. Amongst them was Father Power talking animatedly with a man about Michael's age. He sensed rather than saw his sister's reaction, and when she touched his arm he felt an uneasy sensation.

        "What is it Molly?" he asked.

        "Your brother, Richard; talking to the priest."

        "Will you introduce me please?"

        "It might not be easy."

        "Well at least he can't hit me in front of the priest." Michael smiled.

        Molly was worried that there might be a scene, even though she was an important member of the community, respected and admired. She was not however going to allow her private concerns to override her public persona. Without a pause she approached the two men, Michael following one step behind her.

        "Good morning Father," she said in her usual confidant voice. "Good morning Ricky." she continued, before, with just a slight pause she faced the younger of the two brothers. "Please greet and take into you heart your brother Michael."

        It was, as Michael had joked, impossible for Richard not to respond in a civilized way, but there was little warmth in his greeting.

        "Michael - welcome back to Ballymay."

        "It's good to be back, though I'm not sure about being welcome."

        Sensing that there was a degree of hostility on display Molly made a move. "Father Power, may I introduce my brother Michael, just returned from Australia."

        "Thank you Molly, but I have already had the pleasure of a short conversation with Michael."

        "Oh, I didn't know you had met."

        "Sorry Molly, I forgot to tell you." Michael said.

        "I thought you might have come to confession before Mass today," Father Power addressed his remark to Michael, "but I didn't see you."

        "No, I'm sorry. But I hope you will understand if I say that there are others whose forgiveness I need before I ask for it from God."

        "Yes I understand, but don't leave it too long. Now I must leave you; I'm sure that you and Ricky have a lot to talk about."

        With that he was off to prepare himself for the mass, leaving the three elders of the Cassidy family together, looking at each other, all feeling awkward, none knowing quite what to say. Surprisingly it was Richard who broke the deadlock, though still with little warmth.  "You took us all by surprise. We never thought that we would see you again."

        "It was nearly as much of a surprise to me." Michael responded.  "But once the idea got into my head I couldn't get it out."

        "Well you took your time, you'll never make me understand why it took you so long."

        "I hope that you will give me the chance to try." Michael countered. "I hope then you will understand."

        Molly, judging that the first encounter between her brothers had been slightly more amicable than she had anticipated, stepped in while the mood was favourable. "I think you'll have to finish your conversation later. The mass starts in a few minutes so we should take our places inside."

        Without demure both men took a small step back, no doubt relieved that an uneasy situation was at an end, but then something unexpected happened. Michael offered his hand to his brother, who, perhaps because it was unexpected did not respond immediately, but nevertheless reached out and took it. Nothing was said, and there was no shaking; they simply held hands for a few seconds before slowly releasing them.

        "Come on boys," Molly said, "don't want to be late."

        Once inside they separated as Michael and Molly took a seat at the back and Richard went to join his family. While they waited for the service to begin Molly pointed out more than a dozen people in the congregation, including some children, to whom he was related. Michael was amused by the number of inquisitive glances that came his way from the young ones, which sometimes produced suppressed giggles. He was also surprised, as it seemed to some others in the congregation, that the lesson for the day was ‘The return of the prodigal son’.

        As they emerged from the church, the ordeal of the service over, there was another surprise waiting for Michael, for standing by the main door was Father Power, taking the hand of all who offered, and some who did not, wishing them peace as they departed. Michael and Molly were amongst the first out, and as he greeted them he said quietly, "Stand by me."

        Dutifully they did so and soon the reason was apparent when Richard emerged accompanied his wife , one of his daughters, and two grandchildren. When they reached the priest he held out his hand to Richard and said. "I know that you just met, but I want you Richard and you Michael to meet again in my presence." As he said those words he indicated that they should shake hands with each other. As they did so he said, "God's blessing on you both and go in peace."

        Looking now to Ricky's wife he said. "Mary, I want you to meet your brother in law Michael." he paused while they too reached out and held each other's hand. "Now go in peace.

        Next came the two children, an early and a late teenager, who were both introduced and received the priests blessing. By this time there was something of a crowd waiting to receive the priest's customary farewell, and he was concerned that his little ploy might be disrupted, for he had seen Michael's youngest brother just emerging from the church. Whispering to Molly he said, "Don't let Brian go."

        Addressing now the dozens of people around him the Father Power raised his hands. "Sorry my friends, I'm rather overwhelmed today. May I give you all God's blessing and go in peace."

        That satisfied most of them and they drifted away leaving only Brian, his wife, their three sons and five grandchildren.

        The priest opened his arms wide. "What a treat to see such a family." And then he proceeded to introduce each one to Michael by name, and each with the blessing 'Go in Peace'.

        Michael was uneasy, and confused. Richard, the eldest of his brothers who he had feared the most, had greeted him with some degree of civility.  He had not been particularly warm, but neither had he displayed any hostility. Brian on the other hand, who according to his reading of Molly's description was the least likely of his brothers to be antagonistic, had at their last meeting been very hostile. Today he was polite, but cool and distant, but at least the ice was broken, a first step. As they left the church Michael hoped that there would be more opportunities to build on this shaky foundation, but for now, it would have to do. He still had not met the middle one of his three brothers and hoped for better things when that meeting occurred.

 

Chapter Nine

Scene Two

 

There was much to think about, and Michael was concerned. Time was not on his side and another week had drifted by  with little progress. That is not to say no progress, for something had happened since his meeting with Richard at the church. Surprisingly it had come in the form of visits from not one sister in law, but two, in the persons of Mary and Kathleen, the wives of Richard and Brian. Encouraged if not cajoled by Molly, they had paid him a brief call. Brief but friendly. Neither of them had any real awareness of Michael until a number of weeks earlier when Molly had broken the news of his imminent arrival. What little they had heard was vague and mostly uncomplimentary. In any case it was so many years ago as to be entirely forgotten. More importantly they had not been around when the events which so distracted their husbands had occurred, so they did not feel that same sense of animosity. More over, because they had only recently become aware of the background to the whole affair they could not understand why Michael's brothers were so set against him.

        Despite this they were both aware that there was a need to be careful. In the first place neither of then wanted to appear disloyal to their husbands but somehow they could see with unclouded eyes, where their men could not.  He was real, he was here, he was penitent, and unlikely to go away. Something must be done and that something was to make him welcome. In their eyes it was nothing more - and nothing less - than their Christian duty. They also saw that this might best be achieved if Donald's wife could be persuaded to join the crusade. Four determined ladies acting together would surely be too much for the stubborn men folk.  But so far Donald's wife had declined to join forces with them.

        Michael needed allies wherever he could find them and he was pleased to meet the ladies again away from the rarefied air of the church steps, especially in the company of the priest. He was grateful for their support, though doubtful that they would make any significant difference to what seemed like an entrenched view by his brothers. Nevertheless he greeted them warmly, and when they asked searching questions he made no attempt to 'soften' his replies, answering as honestly as he could.

        There was another cause of concern but of a different nature for he was becoming more aware of changes that were happening in his body. He was worried that others would start to notice too. Before leaving London Michael had seen the specialist who first confirmed what his doctor in Australia had suspected; that he had a liver cancer. Moreover he had broken the news that the cancer had spread from the primary source to other organs, and that his condition was terminal.

        "Not good news." Michael had said ruefully. "Nothing you can do?" the statement was really a question, but he was not realisticly expecting a different answer to the one he already had.

        What the doctor could do was to proscribe medication to control the pain, and hopefully to slow down the rate at which the cancer was growing.

        "And we can set up a program of continued support and treatment here at the hospital."

        "Sorry doctor," Michael had replied, "I guess I know the possible consequences, but it would mean staying in London and I can't do that."

        "It could add a few years to your life."

        "Maybe so but what I have to do is more important." Michael did not go on to explain that it was the reunification of his family that was 'more important', but asked a simple question. 

        "How long?"

        For a man who all his life had enjoyed the gift of the gab, and enjoyed considerable success because of his ability to talk at the drop of a hat on pretty much any subject, that question was one of the shortest, and probably the most important sentence of his life.

        "If you look after yourself and live a simple life;"  the doctor had told him, "take it easy and avoid stress, go back home and enjoy a warm and comfortable ambiance, then you might have two, even three years before the inevitable happens."

        At least now his mind was made up. If there had been any lingering doubts about his prognosis they were gone now. He had come away from the specialists consulting room firm in his resolve to do what had to be done.

        The thought occurred to Michael, 'Three years if I wrap myself up in cotton wool, but how long will I have to do all the things I need to do'?

        It was a question that Michael could not answer now, just as he had been unable to answer then, but now he felt that he could be more specific. It would be significantly less than the doctors optimistic three years.

         Breaking himself away from these thoughts he decided to push himself even further. He felt that he had made a little progress with Brian, a little, perhaps slightly less, with Richard, but none at all with Donald. His mind made up he told Molly of his plan to visit Donald.

        "Donny." his sister corrected him. "No one calls him Donald; he will think it strange if you do."

        "But won't he think I am being too familiar if I do?"

        Molly moved forward to give her brother a kiss on the cheek. "Be brave little fellow. You've nothing to loose."

        Michael smiled at her words for It was a poignant moment.  As a child he was small for his age and one of his early memories was being referred to be his parents, and indeed by his sister as 'the little fellow'.

        His answer was deliberately provocative. "I've everything to loose; but then again I have everything to gain." Then he put his fingers gently on her lips to stop her from protesting again at his 'double Dutch'.

        "Get away with you." she managed to splutter until he removed his fingers, but it was followed by a smile, even though Michael could not help the feeling that it was a wearisome smile. But it was a smile, even if it was of resignation rather than joy. As he left Molly's cottage he felt safe in the knowledge that if he was to fail in his quest, at least she would be there to speak for him when he could no longer speak for himself.

        Donny lived in a large farmhouse some five miles away from Ballymay, so Michael knew that it would be a demanding walk for him, and other options were not easily to hand. He knew that Richard owned a motor car but he was not nearly close enough yet to ask him to drive him to see Donny, even if he would be prepared to do so. He could of course have walked to the petrol station in Main Street, where he could have used their hire car, but two things stopped him from doing that. First he did not want to appear ostentatious. Arriving in style would not present the image of someone who wished to present themselves worthy only of wearing sackcloth and ashes.  Also, as he did not wish to appear in any way as a man of substance, the only thing was to walk.

        Michael considered that it was a nice day when he set off. That is to say that it was not raining. "It's cloudy," he spoke quietly, "that will keep the sun at bay - Its cold, but the walk will soon warm me up - it's a little breezy but so long as the wind is on my back that will help me along." He was still, despite the problems which surrounded him and as he had always been, an optimist.

        The first half of the walk was pleasant, enabling to see places along the way that he remembered as a boy, and later when he might have taken a stroll along the lanes with a girl on his arms. Most of the time the places he passed were familiar despite all the years, though there were some changes. Some of the old farms he remembered were abandoned and decayed while others were simply no longer there. Some new buildings here and there were testament of modernization. New places for storing produce and equipment, some blending nicely with the old farmhouses, while some were large, ugly, and out of keeping.

        A slow but steady pace took him past the halfway mark feeling a little tired but still walking confidently. It had been fairly flat to that point, but now the terrain changed to something more difficult. Mild waves of rising and falling contours had given way to a steeper undulation, more frequent and more exacting. He had anticipated that that the walk would take about one and a half hours, but such was his reduced pace that when this had been exceeded by a full hour before Michael reached his destination.  When finally he stood at the gates of Cassidy Fold he was exhausted, and stood clutching the gate post to keep him from falling. It was perhaps the first time Michael had felt the effect in any real way of his illness.

        Who can tell what part chance plays in life but was it chance that caused Donny's wife to pause at her bedroom window from where she could see beyond the farmyard and the fifty yard drive to the road. There she could see a man apparently clinging to the gate. It was just too far for her to see who he was, but as she watched he slumped, only his arm around the post saving him from falling to the ground. Bridgett Cassidy trotted as quickly as she could down the stairs and out of the house for it was clear that someone, whoever it might be was in need of help.

        "Are you alright?" she said when she reached the man. By this time Michael had recovered some of his strength, but was still a little hazy. His partial black out had left him in an uncertain state, not quite ready to get his thoughts together, unable to recognise the lady helping him to stand.

        "Sorry if I'm being a nuisance. I think I have been walking a little too long; seems I came over a little faint."

        "How far have you been walking?"

        "About five miles I think; from Ballymay."

        "That's far enough if you're not well. Would you like to come in and rest awhile?"

        "No I don't want to put you out."

        "Nonsense. Ten minutes rest and a cup of tea will do you good and it won't put me out at all."

        "Your very kind; thank you."

        Bridgett led Michael through the gate and held his arm as they walked to the farmhouse where she sat him down in the kitchen while she made some tea.

        "Where were you walking too?" she asked while Michael sipped his tea.

        By this time Michael had recovered his composure and his memory, but at the cost of his earlier determination. He had done a little quick thinking and realized that the lady who had come to his rescue must be his sister-in-law. She looked to be a good few years younger than himself so she was about the right age; and seemed to have the run of the house. He had also come to realize that he should not divulge his identity to her for that might not endear him to Donald. 'Going behind my back' he might say; or 'getting to me through my wife'. He did not want to say or do anything that might jeopardise his purpose for coming to Donald's farm, even though it meant that the exercise had failed.

        So somehow he avoided her question and as soon, and as politely as he could Michael thanked the lady for her help and concern, assured her that he would take his time on his return and that he would be alright. Despite her protests he was soon on his way.

        By the time had got back to Molly's cottage he was almost in a state of collapse, and went straight to his bed, where he remained all the following day. By this time he had recovered enough to sum up his ill fated walk and decided that in future he would not be so scared of what people might think. He would use 'Brown's' hire car and damn the consequences.

        However, despite it all Michael felt that there was a plus side to his adventure. For even though she did not know who he was, he had, he thought, made another friend.

 

Chapter Nine

Scene Three

 

Michael's enforced rest did not mean a day wasted; at least not all of it. He had found a notebook and pencil in his room and started to jot down notes of everything he could think of since his return to Ballymay, especially where that event had been significant either for or against his quest. He made no attempt to prioritize these notes, simply using them as an 'aid memoir', a means to clear his head and to measure successful outcomes, and those less so. After a while Michael put the pad down for it tired him. Besides, there was little in them to cheer him. There were some positive observations which might be significant, but for the most part there was little to suggest that he was making any headway. Nevertheless he felt the exercise was worth persuing

        He had, he thought, an ally in Father Power, though of course he was mindful of the fact that his brothers might also regard him as their ally. Then there were his three sisters-in-law.  He had been heartened to have been visited by Mary and Kathleen, and moved by the true Christian way he had been treated by Bridgett. Just the same he had noted that she might have responded differently had she known who he was.

        And what of Connie?  Connie had not been far from his thoughts since their last meeting and he could not help but hope and pray that she might also be on his side. There had been a slight warming since their first meeting, and he felt that if he could find a way to be less confrontational she might warm further.

        It was when he considered his relationship with his brothers that Michael felt most at a loss. Here his notebook revealed little on the positive side. But he had not been totally rejected, though in truth neither could he say that he had been welcomed. He wanted to put his arms around them and hug them. But it was more than that. He knew that he could not just walk up to them a throw his arms around them. Such a thing, too soon, would surely increase the likelihood of being rejected. But, more than anything what he really wanted was for them to put their arms around him. How he wished for that day and wondered if it would ever happen.  All he could see so far was indifference.

        In the meantime there was Molly. Wonderful Molly who had as much right as her brothers to wish that Michael had never returned. She had missed him more than they, and because Michael was her first sibling, had loved him more than they. And when it dawned on the family that he was gone for good, she had cried more than they. But despite all of that, when he walked into her home she had welcomed him, and the tears that flowed then were tears of joy, not grief.

        Michael did not consult his scribbles further that day, but the act of writing those few notes did seem to have concentrated his mind in some strange way. He realized, perhaps for the first time, that his task was two-fold, both parts inextricably linked to the other in his search for forgiveness, but separate nevertheless. On the one hand was his birth family of three brothers, a sister, and their children. On the other hand was his 'life' family of Connie, Matthew and his two sons. Only then did he start to consider that if it became impossible to achieve all he had set out to do, which of those two options would he be forced to abandon. It was an almost  impossible choice which he totally rejected and pushed out of his mind. He would do all he could in the time he had left, and with whatever strength he had left, not to have to make that choice. But the genie was out of the bottle, and no amount of blacking out would, or could, replace that which had been released.

        Over-riding everything was one thing. That before he died he wished dearly to hear his first son call him father.

        He resolved to call on Connie, but this time with a new agenda, admittedly not yet acknowledged. He could see now where he had gone wrong and was determined to be less stubborn in his attitude. He felt that all had been said that needed to be said as to his claim , and nothing further could be gained by continuing that argument. What was important now was to gain her trust, and her friendship, to assure her of his sincerity and hope that in time she could find it in her heart to express what she knew to be true.

        Somewhat recovered after his day of rest, he set out to walk to Connie's house, a mere mile and a half away. The day was overcast and a little breezy but not cold, and though Michael made a steady but unhurried pace he was glad when he reached his destination, just as he was pleased that his walk was not in vain when he saw the distorted image of her appear through the special glass of her front door. When it opened he was doubly pleased to see a welcoming smile.

        "Good morning Michael. Connie said. "Please come in."

        "I hope you don't mind my unannounced visit." Michael replied. "If it is not convenient I will call another time."

        "Not at all, I was hoping to see you anyway."

        That was an encouraging start and as the pair entered the lounge Michael hoped that it was not a ploy. "It's nice to know that you wanted to see  me. Dare I ask why?"

        Connie smiled. "Don't get too excited," she said, "it's not surrender, but you can think of it as a truce if you like."

        "That sounds promising." Michael smiled back. "Tell me more."

        "Well; you wanted to meet Matthew but there did not seem to be a way to do it that would not have seemed contrived."

        "That is true and I must admit that I have wondered if you would keep your promise to arrange a meeting with him."  It seemed a little pointed, and Michael was keen to preserve this new feeling of optimism. "I mean, whether you have been able to come up with a plan yet."

        Connie did not seemed perturbed and explained. "You see Matthew phoned to tell me that his school are having an open day next Wednesday, and has asked me to go.  Perhaps you can join me."

        "Wonderful, but will he not be surprised if I arrive unannounced?"

        "I told him that you are here, and that you came to see me. I explained that you are an old friend of Co'lin, and that you wanted to express your sadness on hearing of his death."

        "But will not Matthew think it odd? Why would I want to visit him; surely he will ask that question?"

        "Yes, I know it might look odd, but I cannot think of another way. And," she added almost as though she had just thought of it, "his boys will most likely be there too."

        That question was left unanswered for the moment while they talked of other things. Connie wanted to know how he was greeting on with his family, and Michael, having accepted that in this period of his life, nothing but the truth will do, told her of the difficulties he was facing. She expressed her sympathy at his situation and it was not just words. Following his reappearance in her life and her confrontation with her long ago lover, she had thought a lot about their life back then. Now that she was aware of his difficulties in gaining family acceptance she come to realize how traumatic life must be at the moment for him. She had also sensed that he was not as well as she had thought.

        Connie told Michael of her life with Co'lin. "I know you were good friends, and if you had been here you would have been proud of your friend, the way he looked after his wife and child."

        It was not intended to be a provocative statement, and Michael resisted the urge to make it so, but he could not help making some kind of reply. "If I had been here it would have been Co'lin being proud of me."

        "Perhaps; but we will never know." Connie said, almost a whisper, but Michael felt that it was more than a whisper. Something in her voice, in her expression gave him hope. It was however the last word on that subject before they moved on to something else.

        Connie was concerned at the change in Michael since his last visit.  "You look tired." she said, "Is this all becoming too much for you?"

        Michael did not want to tell Connie of his true nature of his condition, and he felt uncomfortable about that as he wanted to be as honest as possible. "I do have some health issues, which my doctors are aware of." he said in a light casual way.

        "You mean your doctors in Australia?"

        "Yes; but I may not go back to Australia, so I also have one in London."

        "What about here in Ireland; they do have them you know?"

        Michael ignored the little gibe, noting that it had been made in good humour, merely raising a forefinger a little in acknowledgement. "As a matter of fact I have a letter of introduction to someone in Dublin. Guess I should call on him one day."

        "Yes I think you should. I don't think you look as well as you did."

        "Ah well you see," Michael offered. "I might be able to explain that. I got a bit carried away the other day." He proceeded to tell Connie of his long walk followed by a day in bed.  "I guess I forgot I am not the young fellow I was the last time I walked that lane. Maybe I should have taken Mr Brown's hire car."

        It was not an inspirational moment; the idea did not occur for some time as the two of them continued talking. While Connie's earlier remark had been made 'tongue in cheek' it was clear that a kind of truce had developed, and while both retained a degree of formality, room had been created for some light relief. A little laughter now and again when one or the other recalled a funny episode from their joint past, or someone they had both known. Their conversation was much more friendly as both seemed determined not to see a return of the animosity which had been so much a part of their earlier meetings.

        Unexpectedly Michael stood up, somewhat startling Connie.

        "Are you alright?" she asked.

        "I think I may have solved our problem." he answered. "We'll use 'Browns' hire car."

        Michael went on to explain his plan. "Make an early start  on Wednesday morning to get to Matthew's school mid morning. Introduce me to Matthew and the boys, and then after a little while I will leave you to it. You can explain who I am and why I am there; and you can tell them that I am giving you a lift."

        Connie looked up at her visitor. "But where will you go?"

        "Dublin of course. I might as well kill two birds with one stone. I'll go and see my new doctor."

        "It seems alright." Connie conceded, relieved that they had a plan which would not arouse curiosity.

        "I'm sure it will do; unless we think of something better. In any case you'll not won't want me hanging around all day. All I will need to know is what time to pick you up. OK?"

        Before he left Connie's house he phoned the Dublin number he had been given, told the receptionist his name and the name of the specialist in London and asked for an appointment for the afternoon of the following Wednesday.

         "Of course Mr Cassidy, we have a letter from Mr McNabb in London. He told us that you would be in touch and that we should do our best to accommodate you."

       Michael was pleased. The only possible flaw in his plan had thus been averted, and he felt that in his quest he had taken a major step forward. It was too soon to be jubilant for he had learned many years ago not to take anything for granted. But despite his natural caution he had a skip in his step on his homeward journey back to Ballymay that had not been there on his outward journey.

        He tried to put it out of his mind but it was impossible. After all these years in less than a week he was going to meet his first son, for the first time.