DANCING AT THE CROSSROADS                                                                 

                                                                       Chapter Three

                                                                          Scene One

 

Life seemed the same, but somehow it wasn't. After a while Jean grew to accept what had happened and to believe the advice that came to her from every side; that she should have another child as soon as possible. Her sisters tried to be comforting, but since they still themselves had both remained childless, their support, though well meaning, lacked the real understanding that their grieving sibling needed. It was little more than sisterly togetherness. Others however, friends and neighbours, customers and fellow church goers, all told her that the presence of new life growing in her womb would quickly banish the misery of a lost child.

        Michael was happy to cooperate in this new endeavour, not least because of the exciting intimacy that lay in prospect,  with the chance to find again the joy they had shared with each other both in mind and body. He had shared with Jean the deep despair that the loss of their daughter had brought, and he desperately wanted to see again the smile on her face, laughter in her eyes, and a new child on her knee. For a while it seemed that the plan would work as their renewed sexual activity brought them once more to share the joys of each other's intimate closeness, just as it had been at the beginning. But as month followed month without the hoped for hint of success, and then as year followed year their enthusiasm was left behind, replaced by weary repetition of what became little more than a bodily function.

        Neither they or family members, nor indeed friends from circles close to them, ever said the words, but it became all to clear that they were never going to have another child.

        What neither of them realised, or were not prepared to face up to, was that they had somehow made their continuing relationship dependent on having another child. Making love was no longer enough. If it did not lead to conception they both seemed to feel that it had become a pointless waste of time and effort. Neither of them dare say it but it had become sex without love, in the hope that if it did not succeed this time, the next time it might. Or the next time. Or the time after that. Wearily they had both come to accept, though not to admit, that it would not, and somehow the idea of lovemaking for its own sake, for no other reason than their united pleasure, was no longer reason enough.

        Thoughts of Benny were far behind them, as was his common sense; his way of seeing what was right and what was wrong,. Gone too was his determined self belief, a feeling he infectiously tried to instil in those around him. He would have known what to do, and how to deal with things. He would have told them to stop worrying about what you can't have, and to get on with their lives. "Look at what you have got and be grateful." he would have told them. But he was not there. "Put your faith in God." he would have said, a sentiment he truly believed, despite his rare visits to Gods house. But he was not there to convince then of so simple a solution. He would, had he not departed to that very place, have pleaded with more dedication than his own experience could justify, to put their faith in the lord, and would have done so with no sense of contradiction.

        Outwardly things remained unchanged. The business continued to prosper, and Michael, no longer looking over his shoulder suspicious of every stranger, had become a respected and well liked member of the community. He was as different from Benny as chalk and cheese, but somehow he had managed to take his place.

        He had almost forgotten why he was there and seldom thought of the life he had left behind; but when he did, more than anything he thought about Connie.

        That is until one day Jessica walked into the showroom.

 

                                                                       Chapter Three

                                                                          Scene Two

 

More years had passed by now, and Michael and Jean had reached the point of no return. To all but their inner circle they seemed to be the same happy couple, and for the sake of their four year old son, they did try to maintain the essence of respectable domesticity; but those close to them knew better. Their love had died, just as surely as had their second child.

        It was not a special day in any way, and Michael was busy in his office. Despite his personal difficulties, his position as the boss was unchallenged. Even his sisters-in-law and their husbands had accepted his rise to prominence. Indeed they were glad of it, for they all had a stake in the business, and were happy to see it going well under Michael's leadership. His staff too were happy, for he had discovered, somewhat to his surprise, that he had an ability to get the best out of them; either by a touch of the blarney, a bit of cajoling; a smile and a joke, or even - most surprising of all - when necessary, by a stern dressing down. A major strength however, admired by all, was his ability, and his willingness, to take his place in any department when the need arose, never concerned if he finished up with dirty hands.

        On that particular day one of his showroom staff was ill, and come the lunch hour Michael had assumed front office duties to allow his two other salesmen to get a break. It was then that fate took a hand for it was, as it happened, an unusually quiet day. When this attractive young lady walked into the showroom Michael was able to spend more time with her than would usually be the case. He liked her from the first smile, and then, after much banter and deliberation she finally made her choice. The young lady was very pleased with the deal she was offered; more generous than she had expected, and one which would have been the subject of scrutiny had one of his staff allowed such benevolence.

        Was fate responsible for their second meeting; was it just coincidence or something else? Michael never knew, but a few days later, while he was walking to the bank, he was surprised when a familiar yellow roadster pulled up beside him.

        "Want a lift mister?" he heard a voice  call out - a voice that he instantly recognised.

        He turned and smiled. "Thanks," he replied, "but I'm only going a couple of blocks."

        "Never mind. Jump in; I want to talk to you.",

        "Something wrong?" Michael asked ".....with the car?"

        "Not a lot ............... " there was a longish pause as she leaned across and opened the passenger door, "If you jump in I'll tell you."

        Any resistance he might have felt disappeared with the open door and the smile, and he got into the car. Once they were moving thoughts of the bank went from his mind, as the yellow roadster wove nimbly through the busy traffic.

        "What was it you wanted to tell me." he asked.

        "Oh, that I think the car's a beaut, and to thank you for the deal; much better than I was hoping for, and to tell you that your quite a guy."

         Michael should have known - perhaps he did know but somehow was past caring - that it was a critical moment. He took a sideways look at the lady by his side. She was a good looking lady, no question about that, but in a less glamorous way. Not like Jean, who was not outclassed by any of the stars of show business. In Jessie it was less obvious, not the first thing you would notice but she had a certain elegance born of inner confidence. Her long fair hair suited her slim face and body, while hands and arms orchestrated her conversation. They were always on the move, always in full support. Somehow, remarkably, she even managed to laugh with her hands.

        Why he did not bring it to an end there and then he could not say, but he had sensed something, something that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He knew that something remarkable had happened.

        Remarkable indeed for within a week Michael committed his very first act of unfaithfulness to Jean with Jessica, the first of many during their affair which was to last two years. Who knows where it would have led had not two things happened.

        "Sorry Michael but I have to leave you." Jessie said one day.

        "Why, have I upset you?"

        "No, nothing like that; it's my old Ma; she died."

        "That's bad news all right; sorry to hear it. Will you be gone long?"

        "Maybe. My Dad is an invalid. He'll need me. Could be a long time, might not be able to come back."

        Michael was morose. Things were bad enough at home and now this.

        But things were about to get worse for just at the time when Jessica was leaving, Jean found out about their affair. Any last hope that somehow they might save their relationship was gone forever.

        For Michael his American dream was over for Jean was furious when she discovered that her husband was being unfaithful. "Nearly two years you've been 'doing it' with that women."

        "Yes, and in that two years how many times have you let me make love with you?"

        A stony silence was her reply.

        "Twice; that's how many, and both times you made it clear that it was only out of duty; and both times you made me pay for the privilege."

        "Never mind about that," she hissed, "at least I wasn't unfaithful to you."

        It was an argument in which there would be no winners, and one from which there could be but one conclusion. The marriage was over, and with it Michael's dreams and ambitions. In brutal retribution he lost his wife and son, his mistress, his home and his career, and with cruel irony he found himself back in the twilight bed-sit world he had left behind all those years earlier, a world he had thought never to see again.       

        One thing however had stood him in good stead. With perhaps a subconscious thoughts of self preservation, maybe even an unspoken belief that the good fortune he had enjoyed could not last forever, he had secretly set aside any of his personal monies that were not otherwise earmarked. Not a cent had he ever taken from the firm to which he was not entitled, and sometimes there was little left to save. But when he could he did, and slowly built up a sizeable account. 'For Benjamin', he would tell himself whenever a pang of conscience got the better of him, but now his priority was changed. Good fortune had indeed run out, but at least he had some money, and was better equipped than previously to deal with whatever life had in store for him. Streetwise now, and with a legitimate 'history' established he would not be at the mercy of every crook and shyster.

        He did not however bargain for the venom he had unleashed in his wife. He had made it clear that he would not contest a divorce, but divorce was not an option for her. As a catholic she would not, could not, countenance such a move, so her price, put to him in no uncertain manner, was that she wanted him out of her life. Out of the district. Out of New York. Out of America. Even now he had not realized how far Benny's reputation and influence had carried, but Jean was fully aware of her father's legacy, and she, with her family was quite happy to exploit his memory. They knew who their friends were, and how difficult they could make things for one who had betrayed them.

        Michael was no fool and in a relatively short time he knew that he would have to go. He could not get a job with any kind of status, and he was astute enough to know that even if the money he had saved could set him up in some kind of business, the family influences would soon be at work, seeking to destroy any chances of his success. He was at the bottom of the pile again and once more faced the prospect of running away.

        The idea was little more than an idle thought at first, but once implanted it grew steadily until it seemed to be the perfect solution to his problem. Sydney, Australia. A new city in a new country; a new beginning. The more he thought of it the more he liked the idea. Australia was young and vibrant, just like  himself. What better place for a young man to forge a new life, face new challenges.

        What finally tipped the balance he never quite knew. Perhaps it was the rain beating against the window in his bed-sit room, and the wind causing the ill fitting frame to rattle. Perhaps it was the sight of all his belongings thrown carelessly into a pair of old battered cases against the wall, their lids upright, and contents spilling over onto the threadbare carpet, because he could not be bothered to put them away in the one tiny chest of drawers.

        Perhaps he was missing Jessie, but whatever the reason he woke up one morning his mind made up, the decision made.

        Mustering as much contrition as he could find he went to face Jean and told her of his plan. To his surprise he found her to be more agreeable than at their previous meetings, and he felt her good wishes for his future to be genuine. He had after all left the business in a better financial condition than when he went into it, and was taking nothing from it. Jean was now quite a wealthy lady. 

        Only one thing was left to be settled, and that was the future, especially his part in it, of his son Benjamin. Once again Michael was surprised at his wife’s demeanour. Though she made it clear that it would be she who would make all the decisions regarding his upbringing and education, she expressed the hope that he would keep in touch, and maintain an interest in him."

        Perhaps her complete victory over Michael allowed her to be magnanimous, and though she did not acknowledge the fact, she perhaps realized that what had happened was not entirely Michael's fault, and it provided her too with the opportunity of a fresh start. Whatever the reason Michael left his wife with a spring in his step, and for the first time in months, a feeling of optimism.

        There was much to do, and much to think about, not least of which was money. His 'savings' did not amount to a fortune, for though he had been regularly putting something by for a rainy day, he had not anticipated that the rain, when it came, would be a deluge, nor that it would come so soon. So there was a need for some financial  propriety. There was also the need to prepare both for the journey, and for his arrival. Would Jessie want to see him again, and would she be willing to help him? Their affair had been passionate rather than loving. Both had satisfied a physical need in the other, and while there had always been displays and expressions of emotion, neither of them had been overly fond of the word love. Occasionally, usually at moments of high passion and climax, it was one of a selection of four letter words used by either one of them to express the excitement of the moment, but not, at least not intentionally, to express the more tender ramifications that the word might imply.

        Michael was fully aware, having discovered for himself Jessie's amorous if not insatiable nature, that she would not have waited a minute longer than she needed, to find a replacement for himself to satisfy those needs. Furthermore, he had no doubt that in her eyes he would now be 'yesterday's' man.  Just the same they had shared a longish and very physical relationship which must count for something.

        More telling perhaps, in Michael’s practical way of thinking was that she was the only person he new in Australia.

        Without delay he sent her a message telling her of his new situation, and of his plans, then waited patiently for her reply. When it came, not quite by return of post, but not so long as to remove all hope, her response was ambiguous. There was nothing to suggest that she could hardly wait, or even that she had missed him, but she did indicate in a somewhat low key kind of way that it would be nice to see him again, and sure, she would help him get settled. It was enough, and with only minimal delay Michael was ready to take the next step on his life's journey.