DANCING AT THE CROSSROADS

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                                                            Chapter Eleven

                                                                Scene One

 

The period which followed was a mixture of emotions for Michael. After his unexpected but wonderful acceptance by the ladies of his close knit clan, he felt that he had moved a little nearer to finding a place for himself as one of the family. Now, more than ever he knew just how much he had missed them all.

        He was aware that in making a space for him to occupy, the family would be taking a risk; a risk that two of his brothers were clearly not ready to take. They may not have articulated it so, but their reluctance to join their wives said more than words could say. This troubled him for it seemed to illustrate what he most feared; that his presence continued to create disunity. While the ladies had displayed what they might have thought was an act of faith, creating another chasm within the family was the last thing he wanted to do.  Michael was determined that somehow he must not let that happen, and if his return continued to upset the family harmony, his only option would be to say goodbye.

        Surprisingly, despite the tension a sense of calm had descended over Ballymay, at least as far as the Cassidy family was concerned, for a while it was business as usual. Even the Sunday Mass came and went without incident, other than the fact that during the family gathering that followed, the two brothers still kept a few paces away. However, Michael was pleased to notice that the distance between them was somewhat less than before.

        The summer was now well behind them; autumns annual display of colour too had faded and winter had all but arrived. While it was not likely to be as severe as in many parts of the British Isles in terms of snow and ice, that small advantage might easily be lost under westerly storms and lashing rain; natures gift from the Atlantic Ocean to the west of the country.

        Michael was not looking forward to it at all. So many years living in the warmth of the Australian continent had not prepared him for such a climatic change and already he was feeling the cold. It was not only that his health was deteriorating, so was his peace of mind for nothing much was happening in respect of his brothers. While he sensed that their animosity was less than it had been, neither of them seemed to want to take that next step. Visits from Connie had continued and their relationship had settled to one of close friendship. Molly was a great support, seeing to his every need; sometimes to the point of irritation.

        "You've got to let me do things." Michael had told her more than once. "Anyone would think I'm an invalid."

        "And I aim to see that you don't become one; but you're not the man you were so please let me look after you."

        There's was an unusual relationship, more like an elderly married couple than brother and sister, and their arguments were frequent. They were both strong minded people who could, and did, express their views firmly, but due to their mutual respect they never allowed their disputes to get out of hand. That Michael had a great respect for Molly had never been in doubt, but it had become a two way thing. Gradually as Michael had fought his battle to find his son, and then abandoned his objective for the better good, her respect for him had grown. She had felt her brother's pain when he came to realise that success in his quest would probably destroy everything, and everyone he held dear. Unselfishly he had given it up, a decision she knew without any doubt must have been one of the hardest he had ever made. 

        Nevertheless, finding the right balance between looking after her ailing brother, and encouraging him to be as active as possible was a test for her normal good sense.

        The weeks passed and Michael's period of calmness faded too. His illness was becoming more apparent, and at one of his meetings with Connie he confessed to her for the first time that his condition was a cause for concern.

       "It's a bit of a downer." he said laughing, trying to make light of his announcement.

       Connie was not fooled. Only two years earlier she had seen her husband slip away after a long illness. She knew the signs. "It's all been too much for you," she said quietly, "and I'm still not sure what it was all for."  

        "Sometimes I wonder too," he said quietly, "but I would die happy if I could bring my three sons together, even if it were to be only once. I know it's very unlikely," he gave her a sad smile. "but wouldn't it be something?"

        "It would Michael, at least it would for you. But are you sure it would be for them? In any case you know I can't tell Matt."

        "Can't or won't?"

        "It's the same thing, and anyway you promised."

        "I know and I will keep my promise; but the dream is still there."

        "And even if I did tell Matt's I can't say what his reaction would be." Connie added.

        Michael put his hand out to Connie, and though she had determined that she would not allow Michael into her heart again, she took it as he spoke. "I brought you a lot of unhappiness once and I do not want to bring you any more, but I must hold on to my dream even if that is all it ever will be."

        It was a tough moment for Connie, torn as she was between her loyalty to her son, and her acknowledgement that despite her resolve she did feel something of what she had shared with Michael so long ago. But she held firm.

        "What about your son in America?"

        "Ben? Michael raised an eyebrow!

        "Of course Ben, unless there are more that you are keeping quiet about."

        It was a moment of laughter they both needed, and Michael relinquished Connie's hand. "No," he said, "there's only Ben."

        "I know that you have written to your son in Australia, asking him to come to Ireland. Wouldn't you like Ben to come and see you as well?" she asked.

        "That I would. As far as I know he still lives in New York, but why would he come all this way just to see me. I don't have a very good record when it comes to being a good father do I?"

        "Not that I've noticed," Connie answered, her somewhat barbed comment softened with a smile, "but he might just surprise you."

        A look passed between them that a casual observer would not have noticed, but it was enough for Connie. "Tell me what you can, and I'll do what I can." 

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Chapter Eleven

Scene Two

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Ben Cassidy looked again at his list of Emails; then at one in particular. “Who on earth do I know in Ireland?” he muttered, even before he had bothered to read it. Looking out of his window as the snow continued to fall on the New York streets he picked up the phone.

        “Hi Mom”, he started “I don’t think you’re going to believe this.”

        Armed with the information that Michael was able to give her, and with the help of her local solicitor, plus that of a private detective in New York Connie had managed to trace Ben and contacted him by Email, telling him of his father's failing condition. She was also able to tell him briefly of his family problems and his desire to make it up with them before he died.   She also asked Ben to phone her at her home so that she could fill the details.

        A day or two after that when Molly was at the post office she had hardly entered the door when a 'cooee' attracted her attention. The lady behind the counter was calling.  "Hello Molly," she said, "there’s a letter for Michael and it's from Australia."

        On her return to the cottage she waited patiently, that is as patiently that is as she could, for Michael to divulge its contents.

        "Well," she said after a while, "what's it about?"

        "It's from my son Daniel; he is coming to see me."

        "Well that's a nice surprise." Molly responded, even though Michael had earlier asked if he might send for him sometime, and she had assured him that he would receive a warm welcome. "He can stay in the top floor bedroom. It's not too big but he should manage."

        "No worries, he'll fit in pretty good wherever you put him."

          Shortly after that Connie received the phone call she was waiting for.

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Chapter Eleven

Scene Three

 

Two men sat excitedly next to each other as the coach sped along a quiet country lane. They talked as if they had known each other all their lives, despite the fact that they had met for the first time barely hours before.

        It had been the most remarkable of meetings, not least because they had spoken to each other twice before and on neither of those previous occasions had either man known that fate had brought them together in such an amazing way.

        Danny Witten had been annoyed. “Damn!” he muttered rather loudly, as he read down the list of departures from Dublin Airport only to find that the flight to Shannon was delayed for two hours.

         “Frustrating isn't it?” the man standing next to him said.

         “Sorry about that,” Danny answered. “I've travelled all the way from Australia without a hitch and then at the last minute, this.” The last word said with some emphasis.

         “Same here! I've come from New York, but I guess that a couple of hours won't make that much difference.”

         Danny looked up at the other man. Ten years older he guessed than his own thirty one. “No, I suppose not. At least that will give me time to get a cup of coffee.”

         “You seemed to be looking at the Shannon schedule; that's my flight too. Mind if I join you?”

With that the two men grabbed their cases and in-flight bags and slowly walked to the cafeteria. When they were seated the younger of the two men stretched out his hand. “I'm Danny Witten.” he said.

         Taking the offered hand the other replied, “Nice to meet you Danny, I'm Ben Cassidy.”

         They settled down with their coffee to while away the time, and both men were surprised how easily they fell into conversation. “You here on business?” Danny asked.

         “Not business.” Ben replied. “More like family business.”

         “Me too. Cassidy you say! I've got lots of Cassidy blood in me. We might be related.”

         Both men laughed quietly before Ben replied, “It's a long shot I'm afraid. Have you any idea how many Cassidy's there are in the world; and they all hail from Ireland?”

         With conversation flowing easily the two hours went by quickly and soon it was time to board where each man took their allocated seats. No more delays were encountered and before long they were airborne. An hour later they landed at Shannon where they both emerged from the plane.  A friendly rise of the hand by one and a simple greeting by the other.

          “Hello; we meet again.” was all that had distinguished that second meeting.

         Ben had arrived first at a ticket office seeking information. “I need to get to Ballymay.” he asked the clerk. “is there a train or bus I can catch, or perhaps a taxi?”

         “I; that there is,” replied the man behind the counter. “You can get a taxi - but it'll likely cost you a hundred euros or more. There's a train every hour to Enniskillen - next one in twenty minutes.” he added.  “After that it's a lovely run by coach to Galway - but of course you won't be going that far.” He stressed his point by indicating on the map under its Perspex cover on top of the counter.

         He spoke in a continuous staccato of short statements, but his message was clear. “Thanks.” Ben raised his hand a little in acknowledgement, and as he turned to leave, he almost bumped into Danny.

         Danny, who had been standing just behind was astonished and stopped him. “Hello again; we can't seem to get away from each other.” They both laughed before Danny spoke again. “Sorry for ‘ear wigging’, but I could not help overhearing. I can't believe that you are going to Ballymay. That's where I am going too.”

         “Are you really; what a coincidence. What takes you to that little dot on the map?"           

         “Well I might ask you the same thing, but to tell you the truth it's a bit of family business. My father has not been too well lately and he has been recuperating in his home town; err, village I should say.”

         Ben was silent for a short time before he spoke again. “It seems uncanny but you have almost taken the words out of my mouth. My father is ill too, and is spending time with his folks.”

         There was another period of silence while each took in what the other had said. It was Danny who spoke first. “Do you mind if I ask again. You did say your surname is Cassidy?”

         “Sure is; and yours is Witten?” Ben responded somewhat quizzically, for he had not yet seen where Danny was heading, and was certainly not prepared for Danny's next statement.

         “My name is Danny Witten; but my father's name is Michael Cassidy.”

         “So is mine!” Answered Ben, beginning now to understand the significance of the conversation.

         The two men seemed stunned, for a while neither was able to comprehend what they had just learned. Once again it was Danny who broke the silence. “My dad has mentioned that he has a son in New York called Ben. Surely that can't be you?”  It was almost a rhetorical question for as he asked he was certain of the answer.

         “I guess so. And I know that he has a son in Australia.” Ben paused before his next words, almost too surprised to be able to say them. “I guess you must be my kid brother.”

         For a few moments neither knew quite what to do next, until spontaneously they each threw their arms around the other. There they stayed and there they would have stayed longer had it not been for a polite cough from the man in the ticket office, and a ripple of applause from the four or five people who had formed a queue and had witnessed the drama played out before them.

         The two men left the ticket office each knowing little of the other, yet they were no longer strangers. Only a matter of hours earlier they had never met but remarkably by the time the coach neared Ballymay they both felt the same thing. It really was as though they had known each other all their lives.

 

Chapter Eleven

Scene Four

 

 Molly was pleased that she would soon meet a new nephew, if only to fill in some of the many gaps in her knowledge of her brother's life but despite that she was ill prepared when he arrived, for instead of one nephew when they arrived together she found herself greeting two,  But she was a pragmatic person and the shock of an extra, if unexpected, visitor was soon behind her. It was a ‘minor’ hitch and she was soon in charge again. Introductions and explanations had been quickly made and both sons were welcomed.

        "But how?" Molly had asked Ben. "How did you know that Michael was ill?"

        "I got a message from someone called Connie. Connie O'Grady. Seems she is a lifelong friend of my father. She thought I ought to know."

        "But she never said."  Molly was puzzled. In recent weeks as Michael's condition had gradually worsened he had been less able to make his regular visit to Connie's home, so she had taken to calling on him, and during this period she and Molly had continued a growing friendship. Molly therefore was surprised that she had not mentioned it.

        "Perhaps she thought I might not come." Ben sought to placate her. "I wasn't sure myself until a week ago. To be honest it took a lot of soul searching before I decided." he paused, "In the end it was my mother who persuaded me. You must; she told me; for me as well as for yourself."

        It was of course a huge boost for Michael to have his two sons with him; the one he knew so well, and the other who he had not seen since he had left New York more than thirty years before. Yet suddenly, unexpectedly, they stood before him, not only as his two sons, but as brothers.

        Inevitably Michael asked Ben the same question; how? He explained that Connie had been doing some detective work.

        "Yes I know about that; but how did she find you?"

        "Sorry I can't tell you. All I can say is that one day my computer went 'Ting' and there was a message from this lady who I had never heard of, from a village in Ireland I had never heard of, about a man that I hardly knew."

        "And you came. Thank you."

        "She writes a mean Email does this Connie person. I'm sure she will give you a fuller explanation."

        "She's not here at the moment but she visits me quite often."

         "In that case you will have to wait until her next visit, and," Ben added with a smile, "I want to meet her too."

        Unfortunately that visit was destined to be later than it might otherwise have been, for the following day Connie suffered a fall while shopping.  After treatment at the local medical centre for a broken leg she was then confined to a period of convalescence at home.

        Michael was delighted to have his two sons with him for it meant that he was not the centre of attraction, at least for a little while. Despite their differing ages and near antipodean lifestyles, plus the fact that they had different mothers the two men had quickly developed a friendship and had lost no time in comparing their lives. How they had lived; their likes and dislikes. So fast and firm did the friendship grow that they wondered whether, despite the huge distance between them, some force about which they were unaware, had caused them to influence each other. Danny learned of his brother's life in America, while Ben listened in rapture as Danny unfolded Michael's rags to riches story in Australia. Latterly of course Danny had himself been part of that story, and he told of his father’s disappointment that he had failed to produce any grandchildren.

        "I have a male partner back home." he confided. "Dad's OK about it, but I know that he would have preferred a few grand kids."

       Ben laughed.  "In that case he should be pleased to know he has four grandchildren with me, so the Cassidy name should live for another generation or two."

        There were some unexpected consequences arising from the appearance of these two men for they made a point of visiting their 'kin' , as quickly as possible. All of Michael's nieces and nephews were married with their own families, and some had moved away, but those who were reachable were called on. Their ambassadorial skills were such that soon only Richard and Donny were the only ones who would not join the rest of the family in its rejoicing.  Michael was of course pleased that his sons had been so well accepted and prayed that his brothers would soften their resistance. However, there was anther important and unexpected consequence for he was given him the chance to renew his relationship with Ben, the son that had been almost as lost to him as was Matt.

        Their first meeting with Ben had been a little awkward but Michael had taken the hand that Benny had offered. "Come and talk to me when you can." he asked, "There are so many things I want to ask you, and some things I would like to try to explain."

        "Maybe now is a good time, but I think Mom explained it pretty good." Ben replied, a little uncomfortably.

        "Yes I guess so; and if she painted me black I know I deserved it."

        "Well not black, but I guess you might say a darkish grey." It was not the best joke in the world, but it was sufficient to change the mood from uneasy to good humoured.

        "Your Mom, Jean. Is she well?"

        "She is. Did you know he married again . Over twenty years now."

        "Yes, told me yourself in one of your letters." he paused briefly; "Is she happy?"

        "I would say so."

        "I'm glad to hear that. I was very lucky to get her you know. She was quite a catch, but I'm sorry to say that I was the one with butterfingers."

        "Why do you say that?"

        "Because I let her slip through my fingers."

        "You know, Mom doesn't think that badly of you. Maybe she did at first but she came to realise that there were other factors beside....." He stopped not knowing how to finish what he had started.

        "Besides me being unfaithful to her. Is that what you were trying to say?"

        "Yes."

        "She had a very generous spirit when I first knew her, but we reached a point when we lost sight of all the good in each other; the things that brought us together. It's nice to know that she is once again like she was when I fell in love with her."

        "Did you really love her." Ben asked.

        "Oh yes. We were very happy at first; and when you came along; well; we were in seventh heaven."

        "What happened?"

        "Do you know about your sister?"

        "A little! Mom always found it difficult to talk about, but I understand she died as an infant."

        "Worse than that I'm afraid. We thought that everything was going well up to the time she was due but she was born dead. It broke our hearts and neither of us ever got over it. We didn't know it at the time of course but when your baby sister died our marriage died too."

        For a while they were quiet but Michael felt that there was something more he had to say. "I think that is where I failed her. You Mom took it very bad, but I couldn't find a way to help her. I did try for I desperately wanted us to become again the happy family we had been before. For a long time we hoped that another baby would come along but it didn't happen, and for reasons I can't explain we stopped liking each other."

        "I guess it was pretty rough."

        "It certainly was. Jean's father had been ill and died just before the birth - a wonderful man who had been a rock to her, and I am sure he would have helped her though it - but he was gone. I even think losing him might have had something to do with what happened. But whether or not, somehow I was not big enough or strong enough to take his place, and when she needed me most I was not there for her. "

         "I think you do yourself a disservice father. Before I left Mon did not speak of you this way."

         "Time is a great healer, but I must say that I'm glad to hear that she does not think ill of me."

         "Not any more. In fact I think the reason she wanted me to come to see you is her way of saying sorry."

        "Sorry." Michael repeated. "She has nothing to be sorry about."

        "I think she means that she is sorry about the way things turned out; not about who was to blame."

         "I always knew she was a good woman at heart. And do you know, despite what had happened we might have made a go of it the devil had not decided that this was the time to roll a nice big juicy apple at my feet."

        "An apple! I don't understand."

        "Temptation Ben! That's what I mean."

        "Another woman?"

        "Got it in one. And what a woman."

        Michael told Ben of his life with Jessie. How he had followed her to Australia and how she had supported him in the early years, and then when Danny came along how he had a family again.

        "It was only an affair to start with you know. And if your mother had not found out I don't think it would have lasted."

        "It wouldn't."

        "No way; I mean, it was just too hot. The sex side you understand." Michael stopped for a moment not wanting to embarrass his son with intimate details, but Ben did not appear to be shocked.

        "But as they say, God works in mysterious ways. Jean found out: Jessie had returned to Australia to look after her sick father: I was kicked out so I followed her; and we were together for thirty years until she died last year."

        "It sounds as though she was a good woman too."

        "Oh she was. Quite different to your mother. I guess I'm a lucky man to have been loved by thr… two wonderful women, and now..." Michael spread his hands forward, "I have their sons; my sons; with me."

        "And you have four grandchildren father. I have three boys and a girl back home in the states. When I get back and tell them about you I know that they'll not be able to wait until they can see you."

        Ben could see that Michael was tiring and he took his leave feeling that at last he did have a father, and looked forward to getting to know him better. Before departing he had kissed Michael on the forehead, a show of affection  which he surprised him, but which had felt very natural. But he was more surprised to notice while making that gesture that his father's eyes were as wet as his own.

        Michael settled down hoping to sleep for a little while, but at first sleep would not come. His mind was full of the events of the last twenty four hours. He thought of Jean, who, he had learned, had forgiven him. He thought of the fondness displayed by the fine son they had produced. He hoped that Ben had not noticed his slip of the tongue when he nearly let out the secret of Connie. He knew he was a lucky man. And he thought of his four grandchildren. Ben had said they would also want to get to know him, but would his luck hold for that to happen?  His last thought before finally drifting off into a contented sleep was that he hoped God would not claim him first?

 

Chapter Eleven

Scene Five

 

It wasn't too long before Connie made an appearance, despite the inconvenience of two sticks. The telephone and Mr Browns taxi had easily solved the problem of mobility. Molly's cottage was full, for as well as the two visitors Donald's youngest daughter Christine had arrived with her two children. This was particularly pleasing to Michael for while Richard and Donny were still reluctant to accept him back into their midst, in welcoming their children and grandchildren he hoped to soften the divide. However he was careful not to say anything critical or disrespectful about them. Christine was well into her third pregnancy and Michael asked if she knew yet whether the baby was a boy or a girl.

        "No not yet," she answered, "My husband doesn't want to know until it arrives. He's very superstitious you know; doesn't want to temp providence."

        "How does that work then?" Michael asked her.

        "Oh I don't know, but you know how some people are. We have two girls and I know he wants a son. He thinks if he finds out that it's another girl he'll not be able to hide his disappointment. But if it does turn out to be a girl I know he'll love her from the first moment she is born. Just like the other two."

        "I'm sure he will, but for him I hope it's a boy. And if it is I hope you'll call him Donny after his granddad."

        Christine smiled and bent down to kiss Michael on the forehead. "You're a nice man Michael; I hope that soon my father will come to realise that too."

        "I hope so too, but I can't make him believe that I miss him."

        This tender moment between a man and his niece, who until recent times had no knowledge of each other, was brought to a premature close by a knock on the door and the appearance of Molly. "Connie’s here to visit you Michael. Are you OK?"

        "Of course, wheel her in."

        "There'll be no wheeling me Mr Cassidy," Connie responded, almost hidden behind Molly. "Not while I have my sticks."

        Molly withdrew and Christine called for her children to say goodbye. "I'll leave you now; there are lot's of people wanting to see you. She smiled at Connie who she knew, but not very well. "I'm sorry to hear about your accident, but at least you will have something to beat him off with if he gets out of hand."

        "Ach, I don't need these. I've got a good tongue and an awesome glare. That usually does the trick."

        As she sat down Molly popped her head through the bedroom door again. "The lads are taking Christine home.  They've got one of Mr Brown's cars so they are taking her to see her mother first, and with a bit of luck they might see Donny as well." With that she was off again.

        "You seem to be having a busy time." Connie said as she settled down.

        "Yes; it seems strange coming after a time when no-one wanted to have anything to do with me." The comment was made with a smile, for while it had never been quite as bad as that there had been many times when Michael had felt that the detachment from his family might never end.

        "Well don't over-do it. I'm only going to stay half an hour. I've booked the taxi."

        Michael laughed. "Mr Brown is doing well out of us at the moment." little knowing that he had recently added another car to his fleet.

        They settled down for a quiet chat, this time with no interruptions. Their conversations were easier now. No longer were they confrontational, ready to pounce if either seemed to be gaining an advantage. And while the main issue was still unresolved, and might have divided them, it did not. Each knew the feelings of the other and Michael had come to realise that the status quo had to be accepted. Any change would have to come from Connie, and even if it did it would be between her and Matt. It had been a bitter pill to digest but one which he now accepted.  That he may never know Matt as his son, nor might Matt never know him as his father was the price he may now have to pay.. That he had met him might be the nearest he will ever get to his dream, but he knew now that any move by him to change the status quo might destroy everything. He was content to leave it at that.

        The half hour went all too quickly and Connie was making preparation to leave, which, despite her bravado was all the more difficult with her walking sticks. She looked again at the man who once had been her lover, strong, vital and full of life. Now he was like and old man, pale and propped up in bed, extra pillows holding him semi upright. It was all she could do to stop crying there in front of him. "Matt's coming at the week-end," she said quietly, "would you like to see him?"

        Michael on the other hand was unable, despite his best attempt, to hide his feelings. "Yes please." he managed to convey while doing his best not to let it show.

        As the taxi took her the few miles to her home Connie was strangely perplexed. She had not intended telling Michael of Matt's imminent visit, and yet seeing him lying there she could not help it. 'It seemed the least I could do', she told herself.